2) I will have to get used to someone else living in my space, because I have lived alone for almost 2 years. I think that this will be fine and I will be able to adjust with no problem. We both can make new decisions as to how to decorate the apartment, so that we can incorporate both of your tastes in our living space.

Actually, I think that it would be fun for us to talk about how to decorate the apartment, and how to incorporate both of our tastes in the apartment.

Fortunately, I am not that attached as to how we decorate the apartment– I just don’t like things too crowded, and I like to have a somewhat spiritual and spacious feel in the place I live (with lots of plants   :)

3) I live in an apartment– it’s a nice small apartment, but....  we probably wouldn’t be able to buy a house or a condominium for 3 to 5 years...  We will have to get used to living together in a place that might be a little small for 2 people. So...  we will have to be aware of giving each other the space that we need, which I am sure that we can do. We will need to really communicate with each other and be considerate to each others needs and feelings   :)

Eventually, we could move into a bigger apartment, and even buy a condo or a house. But, My Darling, my apartment right now is a nice apartment with lots of light and windows, and it is in a nice location at the foot of the hills, and yet really next to the city as well. And, the rent is a very good price.

So... probably, we will stay there at my apartment for a while (a year or 2 years??) and then move to something bigger (or buy something) later.

4) living with someone other than your parents— this will take some adjustment, and learning how to live with someone new....  I know that the first time when I moved away from home when I was 20, that.....  it was very interesting, but also I realized how much of my life was shaped by who my parents were and aby how much they lived. It was exciting for me to live in a new place (in my own space), and to grow and expand and explore life on my own and away fro my parents.

Darling, I just hope that when you experience this new freedom, and living away from your parents in a new country and environment, that you won’t want to just be TOTALLY free and not want to live with any man   :)   

Darling....  marriage is going to mean going from living with your parents and family, to living with a husband. You will not have a chance in your life to live alone (by yourself). Do you know if you are ready for this, My Darling???

Of course, we, as individuals, will be able to have our own space when we need, and to do our own things.

But, Darling...  do you need time and space BY YOURSELF to grow and experience the world on your own???  In 1 or 2 or 5 or 10 years, are you going to feel that you are going to need this kind of space for yourself to explore life on your own...  (I have already had the chance and opportunity to explore life on my own, and NOW, after I have experienced things and grown, I am ready t form a lifetime partnership)......

Darling, ARE YOU READY to live with someone, a husband, a partner, for the rest of your life, without having a lot of time by yourself to explore life (and a new country and culture) on your own????

You might say that you have already explored life on your own, and that you have been out of a relationship for one year or so...

As I mentioned before, it may also take a little bit of time to for me to adjust to having someone live in my apartment. We just need to communicate openly about this, My Love.... and talk about our thoughts and feelings as they come up...  

You may have certain expectations because it is how your family did things and because you grew up doing certain things in your house (or within your parent’s marriage), that you expect (even without thinking) that this is how you and I should do things....  But, my love, you and I are 2 different people (different than your parents and your family), and...  you and I are going to create something very new, and we are going to create a brand new marriage and partnership based upon our unique combination, and based upon what we create together....  You and I are 2 unique individuals, and... our relationship will be different than my mother and father’s marriage, as different than your father and mother’s marriage....

You and I have to talk to each other and decide together how we are going to create our marriage   :)

5) Los Angeles (and America in general) is going to seem so interesting for you, because so many things will be new: the people, the places, the freedom that you will have to do what you want and go where you would like and see what you would like......

You will probably be dazzled by everything new, and you will enjoy experiencing all of the new and exotic things. But, then, soon, you will have to get to work and focus, and begin studying and finding a job and working.

But, Darling.... when you first arrive here, you will notice right away that the standard of living here is much higher, and that people like to go out and do things much more often like going to a movie and eating our at dinner and going to café’s......

6) everything may seem different to you: the language, the way people shop in the stores, the programs on television, the people, the customs of the people, the way that families treat each other....   You might even experience some culture shock, My Love, as you get used to experiencing and living a completely different way of life... 

7) American culture is different than Russian culture, and.. you will need some time to adjust.

8) differences in culture affecting our relationship.... American and Russian cultures are very different, and you and I will have to communicate and listen carefully to each other to understand our differences. There probably will be times where we don’t understand each other because of our different cultural upbringings and assumptions that are based upon what our cultures say are true in life. We really need to be aware of this...  You and I may make assumptions based upon our culture, and may not understand that the other person may not understand our assumption about marriage or life. And so, it is important for us to be aware that there will be some misunderstandings because we are operating and thinking from 2 different cultures. Let’s stay aware that these misunderstandings may occur, and that we need to really be aware to communicate very clearly to each other. It is going to help that I have a lot of exposures to different cultures, and that I am half Persian (and Persian culture is more similar to Russian culture than it is to American culture)...

9) Los Angeles has a much faster pace than does Mogilev or Minsk. (I think that American culture, in general, moves faster than Russian or Belarussian culture). The pace of life in L.A. is probably more like Moscow, but is probably even a bit faster than Moscow. Los Angeles is the biggest city in the United States.....  You will need time to adjust (and I will help you and support you as much as possible    :)    (I probably actually prefer to live in a smaller city or town, where things are more quiet and peaceful   :)   But, right now, I live in Los Angeles.

10) we both will have to balance having our own personal busy lives and goals and activities, and also spending time together. Perhaps I will sacrifice many of my other activities for a while when you first get here, so that we can spend time together and help you adjust being in a new country and culture    :)

But, eventually, because Los Angeles is such a fast moving big city, we will have to stay aware of keeping our work lives and family lives balanced

People in America, because they feel that their lives are so busy, actually do consciously think about making sure that they have enough time for their families   :)    That is how it is here :)

Some foreign people who come to the U.S. even have said that Americans work too much, and focus too much time on making money, rather than just enjoying life. People have also said that because American’s focus so much time and energy on their jobs, that their lives are much more stressful than in many other parts of the world.  (But I suppose that your life is how you make it)...      (I just want you to be prepared, Darling   :)

Maybe this idea of balancing work with family life is more for me to be aware of, because I’ve often had a lot of personal and career goals, and I am used to spending my energy and time on these goals. 

(Darling, PLEASE tell me if you EVER feel that I am spending too much time on my career and films, and you feel that I am not spending enough time with you or with our family, O.K.???  I may not be aware that I am doing this, or what your needs are, so....  PLEASE let’s remember to COMMUNICATE when we are thinking or feeling something, especially if it’s important to either one of us, O.K. Darling????    :)

11) There is more crime in Los Angeles than in any city in Belarus or Russia. You have to learn which areas that you can go to, and.....  since you are a woman, you have to be careful at night wherever you go in most areas....  There are some areas where it is safe for you to go at night as a woman (especially the wealthier mostly white areas), but...  Los Angeles is not like Mogilev or even Moscow, and you have to be much more aware of where you go and when you go there (especially as a woman who goes out alone)....   So... since you are not used to the culture in the U.S., or how things are, then... just be aware that you still have to learn about what is safe and what is not safe for a woman in Los Angeles (and in America)....  This is also partly about differences in culture, and because things are different in Mogilev or Moscow or Minsk, than they are in Los Angeles or New York or Washington D.C.    :)

12) you will have to learn a new language. (I know that you realize some of this, Darling  :)   Although you speak English pretty well now, it will be important that you improve your English even more so that you can write term papers for your American university in the English language, take exams in English, and speak English well enough to get a job that you will like... I know that you know the importance of learning English and I think that you will do a good job at this.

It probably will be better if you are conscious of making American friends so that you can speak English with them (instead of relying on Russian friends). Marrying and America :)   and having American friends is one of the best ways to learn and improve upon a new language. They say that Russians that come to the U.S. and have mostly Russian friends don’t learn English as well as someone who really immerses themselves in American culture.

13) As we have talked about already, we will probably have children in 3 to 5 years. We talked about wanting about 2 children, beginning in about 3 to 5 years. Of course, we want to make sure that your education is finished, and that you have started your job by then....  We can talk about this later, My Love, as the right time approaches for children.

14) you will have to both work and study....  You will have to study hard, and will have to work as well as study at the same time. Your life will probably be very busy... Once you begin to work AND study, then you will be a bit busy, and with me working and making my films, then we will have to make sure and be aware of doing fun things together   :)

15) you will probably meet friends your same age in school, who will want to go to night clubs, and drink, and go to parties. (That is what many people your age in America want to do-- Perhaps this is also similar in Mogilev). Maybe you will meet some older friends too...  Darling, most people your age (22) in America like to go out with friends to discos and dance and drink....  Baby, I know that your life will be different because you will be married and you will be wanting to study hard to build your life. But, it is good to be aware what people your age may be asking you to do.

Baby, will you feel comfortable doing something living your life in a way that most other people are not doing????  How do you feel about this, My Love???

16) we can meet other Russian-American couples in L.A..... This probably will be helpful for us, and we can speak about the issues that they went through and that they are going through. These couples can be a great resource for us, and we can also meet some great friends this way   :)   We can also meet couples who can help us when we need help with different questions. I can find these couples through the internet groups that I belong to.

17) you will be able to meet and make friends with a lot of Russians in L.A., since there are a lot of them there...  (As I mentioned to you before, there are even many stores in Los Angeles that have their signs only in Russian. Someone told me that there are about 40,000 Russians in Los Angeles, but there seem like there are more than that here).. I am sure that it will feel good for you to speak Russian and make friends with people from your own culture. I think just knowing that there are native Russian speakers who you can talk to can be of some comfort to you as you move to Los Angeles. Darling, perhaps the best Russian friends that you can make are with other Russian women married to Americans, so that you can help each other and so that you can support each other in your marriages and lives as married women   :)

18) Darling, I just want you to be aware, again, that I might want to move to the East Coast (near Washington D.C.) so that we can be closer to my family (my sister, my mom and dad, and my cousin). I have been recently thinking more about the possibility of this...   I am thinking more and more about family, and may want to move East...  We have talked about this before, but...  I just want you to be aware that because of my job, that we may have to move from Los Angeles. But, of course, we will discuss this and make decisions after we talk about something and decide together what is best for our family as a whole   :)

Also, I may find a TV producer job at a TV stations that takes me to another state, and perhaps even to another city that’s less exciting than L.A. (Although there are many interesting places in America)...

19) It might be difficult for you to find a job at first, and so... we both will need to be patient, and I will probably will have to financially support us both when you first come here....     We probably will have to be very careful about the money that we spend for the first several months (while you and I adjust to supporting a married couple). You have never really had to think about supporting yourself financially (or supporting a family), and...  I have never really thought about supporting anyone else, and so this probably will take some adjustment....   I think that you will be able to legally begin looking for a job very near the time that we are actually married. (When we marry, I have to send a form to the U.S. immigration that we are married, and then they will send you confirmation that you can work. I am not sure how long this takes, but I don’t think that it’s took long after the time that we are married)....

20) Things that we can do together: Some things that I see us doing together–  going to the farmers market together on Sundays where we can buy fresh fruits and vegetables, once a week or so going to a movie at the movie theater, going to eat out to dinner 2 to 4 times per month, going hiking and walking in nature together, occasionally going on little trips like driving to the desert or the mountains or to the Grand Canyon,....., sometimes going to the beach and walking on the beach, going to and sitting in coffeeshops sometimes and both of us doing our work (for example, you doing your schoolwork and school reading at a coffeeshop),

21) We can cook food together, and go to different kinds of restaurants once in a while: Chinese restaurants, Indian restaurants, Persian restaurants, and even Russian restaurants (there are a few of these in L.A.)

22) exercising together.....  My Love, We already spoke about going to the gym together, exercising, using the exercise machines and swimming, and walking and riding bicycles by the beach   :)     .........I would like to explore all aspects of life together...   (I think that going to the gym together and exercising will be fun   :)

23) attending spiritual services....  I would like to attend a spiritual service that we both like, sweetie...  because I want to....  include a spiritual element into our relationship and into our lives...  I feel more at peace in my life and happier when I include some kind of spiritual practice in my life, and I would really appreciate being able to do this in our relationship also. You said that you would come with me to those services (which are one hour per week on Sundays, with a meditation on Fridays and/or Sunday nights)..... I think sharing some kind of inner spiritual practice together will also help our relationship, My Honey   :). 

24) going to yoga and possibly even mediation classes together.....  This kind of ties into exploring spirituality together.....  Perhaps you can try these both out and see if you like them....  both Yoga and meditation REALLY feel good doing, and I would love, for example, to go to a Yoga classes with you so that we can do yoga together, as well as do it with others also....  (There are some really good yoga classes at my gym)...

25) You will probably change a lot in the next few years (I am almost sure of this), because you will have been exposed to a different culture and country, you are going to be living someplace away from your parents for the first time in your life...  and you will be getting a new education. You will be getting older and experiencing a new culture and language and people. (Also ....It is said that people change a lot between 20 and 30 years old).......

I definitely think that you will be changing a lot in the years after moving to the U.S., and I just don’t hope that we grow apart and become 2 different people who want 2 different things. I guess I feel some fear about this, My Love   :)         What do you think about this, Angel????

26) differences in age....  I know that we talked about this already, and that we both can accept this fact. But, I still want to talk about it, and understand what it means for our individual lives and for our relationship...

First of all, understand that in America, it is not common for someone 35 to be married to someone who is 22 (even though it DOES happen sometimes). Even though you and I don’t look THAT different in our ages,......  you might get some reaction from people here in the U.S. if they ask you about our ages and then you tell them how old we each are.....  Of course, the important thing is that WE are comfortable with our ages, then it does not matter at all.(And people may not even ask about our age, because we really don’t look that different in our ages...  But, as we get older, and I turn 50, for example, and you turn 37, then I might start to look older than you. Then, Darling, how would you feel and how would you handle this????????).

Can we both be strong, and feel totally comfortable with our age difference even if some people who we meet in America mention our differences in age, and maybe even some of the people you meet at your university or school (in America) might mention that they think that that kind of age difference is too much???  Would that bother you, my sweet?????  I think that it is good to think about this.

How would you handle this, My Love, if this happened to you??  How would you feel about this?????

Also....   I think that it would be good to think about our age difference and what it might be like in the years to come. I am ready to accept our age difference, but...  I think that we should both be very aware of what it will mean in later years.

Right now, you are 22, and I am 35 (almost 36). In 5 years, you will be 27, and I will be 40. When you are 32, I will be 45. When you are 37, I will be 50. When you are 40, I will be 53. When you are 47, I will be 60. When you are 52, I will be 65. When you are 60, I will be 73. When you are 65, I will be 78.

What will this mean to us later on in life, my love???

How will you feel when you are 27, and then I turn 40?? Probably at a certain point, I will start looking older than you are, My Love....   How will you feel about being married to someone who looks older than you, My Love?????   :)

When you turn 30, then I will be 43....  Darling....  have you ever thought about what it will be like as we get older???

When you turn 37, I will turn 50....

At this moment, and probably in the near future, our age is probably at the place where it is not big enough of a difference to definitely cause problems, My Love. But....  I think that it is good to be aware of what it would be like to be together later on in life...

Someone made a comment on one of the internet sites: That it is not about the difference in age between an older man and a younger woman– it is about the AGE of the woman. I think that what they were saying is that... if a woman is 30 and marries a 50 year old man, then she is not going to change THAT much as a person, and she can reasonably be sure of what she wants. But if a woman is 18, for example, then can she really know what she wants, and won’t she change a lot in her life????  Perhaps an 18 year old woman will face so many changes in her life, and she will grow and change a lot... there is no certainly that she really knows what she wants, and that she cannot predict what she wants in the future.

But I, Darling, really do know what I want at my age   :)    I guess there might be a chance that in 10 years that..... maybe my feelings will somewhat change. But, Darling....  I am pretty sure that I can make the commitment needed for a lifetime marriage, where I approach the marriage in a positive and stable and committed way.

The question that we have been asking before, Lovely, is whether, at 22 years of age, whether you can know if you will not change significantly in the next 10 years. How will you change in 10 years, My Love, while being in a new country, living away from your parents, and learning a new language and experiencing the great freedom of America???  Can you make such a LIFETIME COMMITMENT in a marriage at this stage of your life???

(Again, I think that it would be good for you to speak with your parents and even friends about these issues, so that you can be AS CLEAR AS POSSIBLE about them BEFORE we are married, My Love).

I am thinking that perhaps it is not important (this issue of age difference, and the issue of your age)....  Maybe sometimes we just have to make a decision based upon what we feel is best RIGHT NOW, IN THIS MOMENT....  And then, we try to steer the way that our lives go in the future.

You have said that you are ready for marriage at your age. You have also said that you can make  a lifetime commitment right now at your age.

Maybe I don’t know what will happen 100% in the next 10 years (or for this lifetime). Maybe I am not sure whether we will be together for a lifetime (I know from my side, My Love, but I am not 100% sure from your side, and am not sure if you are able to know at your age-- although maybe I am mistaken about this, and you can absolutely be sure 100%)...........      But maybe this doesn’t matter, and... what matters is that this seems like the right decision right now, and that....  this decision seems the best for both of us.

But Darling, I really WANT to be married for a lifetime. ....I am sure that we will be married as long as our marriage serves us both... As long as it is healthy for us both, but...  I would like for our marriage to be good for us and healthy for us for a lifetime.

I will do everything that I can to guide our marriage so that we have a happy, loving, and healthy marriage. I will do everything in my power so that our marriage and our relationship helps us both, and helps us in our individual lives....

I will do everything in my power to love you the very best that I can, and to nourish our love for each other, and to develop my love for you as much as possible...   :)

27) I am someone who likes to go to psychological and spiritual workshops, and... I think it would be good for our relationship to go to some workshops and classes about relationships   :)   And making a marriage as happy as possible   :) 

You will see, My Dear Love, that...  I really take care of my relationship, and if we are married, then....  I will treat our marriage with love, care and respect (and attention).....  I will TRULY do EVERYTHING that I can to make our marriage happy and loving and successful.

(If you are also willing and able to do this, Darling, then things will work between us    :)

28) I do very much believe in communication, and I believe that I have the skills to have good communication within our relationship...  I believe that I have the skills to help make a successful and happy relationship.... 

It also seems like you believe in and are able to communicate in a relationship also....  do you agree with this, Darling???

29) I want us to prepare a vision/ goal plan for our relationship/ marriage, so that we both are working to create the same kind of life together.....     For example, what is each of our idea and desire for an ideal marriage? What is the ideal kind of marriage that we want to create. I think that it would be helpful for us to both think about this.  (We can talk about this later)... Actually, I think that what I am writing now is, in part, the beginnings of creating a vision for our marriage (My Love :)

30) I will work (teaching) 5 days per week if necessary, but....  I would rather teach 4 days per week so that I can also work on my films....   But, I may take a full-time job working for a TV station (after I finish my current film on India and the Dalai Lama)

31) Our financial circumstance: I think that you know that we will both have to work in order to afford to buy a house, and to have the kind of life that we want...  (As you know, Darling, that in America, almost ALL married couples work....  I would say that this is true in about 95% or more of married couples in America, and this is because of the economic realities here). In almost ALL families here in America, two people need to work, for example, to be able to afford to buy a house.

But, Darling, when I am married, I will do whatever is necessary for my family, so that my family has what it needs.   (I think that you probably feel the same way– right Baby???)

More than likely, depending on what you want to study at university and where you want to study, you might also have to take out student loans for your school because some Universities and courses are expensive, although at the beginning, we can afford to pay for your school without any loans. But, doctors, for example, and even physician assistants, need to take out loans as students because medical school is very expensive, but... they earn this money back with the salaries that they make.

But, again, Darling, I will do anything that it takes to have a successful and happy marriage, and I will do whatever is necessary for my family.

32) What kind of relationship and marriage do I want to create??  what is MY vision of the kind of relationship that I want to create??  (I will write this later, and would love if you also thought about this and wrote about this).

33) I only have one car, and we will have to work out the transportation here.......    One or both of us will have to take the bus.....   The bus is not as easy to take as in Russia, but...  you CAN get anywhere that you need to get by bus....  We can get a second car later, My Love, when we can afford to get another car.  (Perhaps it WOULD be better for you to learn how to drive in Mogilev FIRST... We can talk about this more later)....

34) we did have a very nice time when I came to see you, and....  I found that we were pretty compatible......  We spent a lot of time together, and we did not have any major problems and we enjoyed being with one another.....  But, we were both on vacation, and...  we were not facing the stresses of real everyday life where people work every day, where they get tired, and where something might bother them at work.

When you live with someone every day for weeks and months and years, then...  you REALLY learn about someone, and....  things are going to probably going to come up that bother one or both of us.....  After living with each other for months and years, we are going to probably get into an argument, we might become sad or unhappy about something.........  And.....

We are going to have to be prepared to deal with and solve these feelings and issues when they come up.......  It is good to understand how we will face those issues when they arise...

Probably the most important thing that we can do is to both of us to make a pact to communicate with each other... To share our feelings and thoughts, and to share when something is bothering us so that we can work something out.

35) People in Russia and the U.S. deal with money differently (this is what I’ve heard)....  People in the U.S. think more long-term about money, and about saving, and.... from what I’ve heard, since people in Russia have not had much experience with saving money, they tend to not think much about saving money when they come to the U.S., and spend money as soon as they receive it.  This is something for us to be aware of...

36) No matter WHAT happens, or no matter HOW or WHAT we are thinking or feeling, or no matter WHAT CHALLENGES might come up with us, let’s promise to communicate and try to resolve ANY problem that comes up, o.k.???